Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sext me about skeletons
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
