my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
