They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
