There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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