Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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