Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have aggressive nipples.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
