I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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