Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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