if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
