First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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