So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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