Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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