the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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