I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
