Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
