I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
