glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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