So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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