Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
