its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
