the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to get me chipped asap
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
