Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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