Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
