Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
