No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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