Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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