he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Found your dick twin last night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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