i need an iv and a liver transplant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
