You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
