it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
