girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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