and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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