A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it's like iHOP with fire
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
