did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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