Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
