Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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