And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
