how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
