My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
