dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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