Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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