AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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