my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
