I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
