then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
