you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
