Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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