we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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