Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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