Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
