god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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