I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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