there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
