We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
