So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
