saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize