Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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