I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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