she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
