o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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