she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
