Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
