if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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