You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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