I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
