my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
