You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
