There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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