I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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