He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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