nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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