TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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