Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
