I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
