We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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