Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize