Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
