so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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