I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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